So I asked
ten (busy, high achieving, child-encumbered) friends recently, what would make
your life easier? I thought their answers might be money-related but all of
them said ‘More TIME!’. And this became the theme of a talk I gave for Palmolive Naturals recently, to promote their range of shower milks.
Many women are so busy putting everyone else’s needs first, they are
desperately short of me-time.
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| A recent survey found that women have on average less than an hour a day to themselves. |
The ability
of women to care for others is part of innate female nature. Isn’t part of
becoming a mother learning that there are others we would always willingly put
before ourselves?
At the risk
of some outrageous gender stereotyping I’d say we – as women - are hardwired to
nurture and care about others. God in her infinite wisdom decided it would be
the female of almost every species that would carry and nurture the young. And
she even bestowed a special hormone – oxytocin, upon female humans to help us
to do this.
On top of
this biological imperative to put the needs of others before our own, we also
socialize little girls from very young to please others, to make sure everyone
else is OK and to even subjugate our own needs to the needs of others.
BUT
Where does this leave us when it
comes to me-time?
Do we know how to put ourselves first, or even deep down believe we have the right to?
Do we know how to put ourselves first, or even deep down believe we have the right to?
Women who
work who mother, who care for others, who are walways there for ehri friends in
times of need - they’re all experts at taking their responsibilities seriously,
at juggling everyone’s needs. And me-time is something that gets squeezed in
between a whole host of other demands – or squeezed out by them as the case may
be.
A recent
survey by Mumsnet found that women typically get less than one hour of me time
each day….One mum said:
As a stay at home
mummy with 4 children (youngest 3 months, eldest 7 years), this house really is
a full time job! If I am not looking after the children, then there's the house
to look after...
I hardly get any time
to myself - 'free' time is used to get jobs done!! And i'm hardly in bed before
11pm. I cannot wee on my
own, cannot shower without someone joining me, finish a cup of tea before it
going cold (or mostly, it doesn't even make it out the kettle!) Oh, and I only
use my laptop when I'm breastfeeding!!
This woman
said she can’t even shower without someone joining her and yet taking a bath or
shower must be one of the few occasions when we should be able to relax and
indulge in some me-time ….
But how
many of us really take advantage of that time?
Let’s do a
quick survey of our own:
Own up now,
do you ever:
· Let someone else come
into the bathroom when you’re bathing, or leave the door ajar so you’re ‘on
call’?
· Take your phone or laptop into the bathroom with you?
· Clean the bath or shower
when you’re in it?
I must
confess I have been guilty of all of these…. and when I asked women attending my recent talks these questions there was a reluctant but significant show of hands.
So much for
me-time. It’s hardly relaxing if we’re slathering ourselves with Ultra
Moisturisation Olive Shower Milk and at the same time thinking, Blimey that
grouting could do with a good scrub.
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| A bath: the perfect stress buster. |
You see
it’s not enough to have beautiful body pampering products if our mind isn’t
receptive to them. Mind, body and soul are inextricably linked and we have to
fuse them together to really de-stress.
So in my
talk I proposed a positive psychology experiment for women to try when bathing.
It’s based
on classical conditioning, a technique discovered by Pavlov who you’ve probably
heard of. He experimented on dogs, and
you’re probably wondering what this has got to do with your beauty regime but
bear with me here…..
Pavlov fed
his dogs at a regular time every day.
Just before
he gave them their food he rang a bell.
He soon
noticed that even without producing the food, if he rang the bell the dogs
would salivate.
The dogs
responded physically to the sound of the bell.
Pavlov used
a sound in his conditioning experiment, but any of the senses can be used to
condition peopleSmells are particularly evocative.
So here’s a
technique for positive meditation while you’re bathing. When you
have your morning shower or bath do this:
First of
all:
Banish
everyone from the bathroom, leave your phone and the CIF outside the bathroom. If
necessary lock the children in a cupboard or hang a do not disturb sign on the
bathroom door.
1. Rub your favourite shower milk onto your hands and breathe in the fragrance.
2. Keep rubbing and breathing slowly as you start to bring to mind three good things in your life.
These can be big or small things, perhaps the feeling of sitting in the sun in your favourite garden chair, the sound of your daughter giggling or your loved one’s smile.
3. Tip more shower millk onto your sponge or hand, and move in slow circular movements all over your body.
This is the point where you’re experiencing the softness and the fragrance but you’ve got to quiet your busy mind so that it doesn’t sabotage the experience….. so
4. As you circle keep your mind focused on your three good things. Don’t let any other negative thoughts intrude, if they do return to your positive thought.
5. Keep this up for ten minutes. Before long you’ll feel a positive glow, as you smooth the lather all over your body nourishing your skin and your mind.
The mind
and body work together, so focusing on positive thoughts while you bathe or
shower will make sure you get the most relaxing experience possible.
If you
practice this regularly you’ll find that just flipping the lid off your shower
milk will trigger those positive thoughts and that state of relaxation.
If you feel
stressed during the day take a couple of minutes to wash your hands and breathe
in the fragrance. Because
you’ve used that technique of associating that smell with positive thoughts it
should immediately trigger a state of relaxation. You’ll have conditioned your
brain to associate these pleasant feelings with the gorgeous smell and silky
feel of the Palmolive naturals.
Make this
part of your me time every day.
You’ll find
your mind will be just as responsive as one of Pavlov’s dogs, although
hopefully with a bit less dribbling.
