How's YOUR self-acceptance?

Self-acceptance could be the key to a happier life, yet it’s the happy habit many people practise the least.

Happiness is more than just a feeling; it is something we can all practise on a daily basis. But people are better at some ‘happy habits’ than others. In fact, the one habit that corresponds most closely with us being satisfied with our lives overall – self-acceptance – is often the one we practise least.

5,000 people surveyed by the charity Action for Happiness, in collaboration with Do Something Different, rated themselves between 1 and 10 on ten habits identified  as being key to happiness.

How often are you kind to yourself and think you’re fine as you are? 

When answering this Acceptance question, people’s average rating was just 5.56 out of 10. Only 5% of people put themselves happily at a 10 on the Acceptance habit and almost half (46%) of people rated themselves at 5 or less. There's some work to be done there (tips below).

How often do you make an effort to help or be kind to others?

Giving was the top habit revealed by those who took the survey. When asked the question above people scored an average of 7.41 out of 10, with a generous one in six (17%) topping 10 out of 10. Just over one in three (36%) people scored 8 or 9; slightly fewer (32%) scored 6 or 7; and less than one in six (15%) rated themselves at 5 or less.

Being connected to others boosts our happiness so making an effort with
 those people who matter to us is a happy habit.

How often do you put effort into the relationships that matter most to you? 

The Relating habit came a close second. The question above about how well we maintain and nurture our close relationships produced an average score of 7.36 out of 10. 

And a lovely 15% of people scored the maximum 10 out of 10!

Overall how satisfied are you with your life?

The survey also revealed which habits are most closely related to people’s overall satisfaction with life. All 10 habits were found to be strongly linked to life satisfaction, with Acceptance found to be the habit that predicts it most strongly. Yet Acceptance was also revealed as the habit that people tend to practise the least, generating the lowest average score from the 5,000 respondents.

How often do you spend at least half an hour a day being active? 

Treating our bodies to regular physical activity is another proven happy habit. Yet the survey revealed that this is another habit that we don't all get round to practising. The average answer to the exercise question above was just 5.88 out of 10, with 45% of couch-huggers rating themselves 5 or less.

How do you get the happy habit?

If you want to boost your happy habits check out the new Do Happiness programme. It costs just £15 for a profile and regular small positive actions (Do’s) by text and email, customised so you can practice your happy habits daily. 

And signing up will be your first act of Giving because, for each programme sold Do Something Different, gives one away free to someone who can't afford it.

How to practise the self-acceptance habit.

Here are three positive actions that people can take to increase their levels of self-acceptance:

·      Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. See your mistakes as opportunities to learn. Notice things you do well, however small

·      Ask a trusted friend or colleague to tell you what your strengths are or what they value about you

·      Spend some quiet time by yourself. Tune in to how you're feeling inside and try to be at peace with who you are.

Where did the happy habits come from?

The happy habits included in the survey are based on the Ten Keys to Happier Living framework, developed by Action for Happiness based on an extensive review of the latest research about what really affects mental wellbeing. Together the Ten Keys spell the acronym GREAT DREAM, as follows:

·      Giving: do things for others

·      Relating: connect with people

·      Exercising: take care of your body

·      Appreciating: notice the world around

·      Trying out: keep learning new things

·      Direction: have goals to look forward to

·      Resilience: find ways to bounce back

·      Emotion: take a positive approach

·      Acceptance: be comfortable with who you are

·      Meaning: be part of something bigger

Don't forget if you're feeling like you've let your happy habits slip, you can still get them back and turn your life around. Check out http:dsd.me/dohappiness

Six self-enhancement purchases for 2012 (totalling under a tenner too):

How can a second-hand book, a pedometer, a cheap brolly, a pair of tights, six second-class stamps and a packet of seeds add up to self-enhancement? Here's how:

·      Get stuck in to a stonking good used novel   COST 1p

A can’t-put-it-down novel is the perfect way to cherish yourself. On Amazon are tons of good used books available from dealers for just 0.01p. No kidding. Sure they make money on the postage but if you add your 1p book to someone else’s Amazon order you won’t pay extra. Here are some of my all-time favourites all available for 1p:

Any Human Heart by William Boyd

Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates

Perfume by Patrisk Suskind

Room by Emma Donoghue

·      Get a pedometer   COST 78p

Walking is the best way to trim your body and lift your mood. Use a pedometer to see how many steps you can clock up in a day, aiming for 10,000. If you’re monitoring every step it’s amazing how many ways you find to walk a bit further. You’ll be healthier and happier and won’t have been near a gym or put on lycra. This one from Amazon really is only 78p. OK it probably is crap for that price so go for a better one if you can.

Walk your way to health for under £1

·      Leave magazines on the shelf    COST £0

Women feel worse after looking at a magazine (all that social comparison is depressing). And why waste money on mags full of  glossy adverts peddling the 'happiness through having' myth?  There are good free online magazines instead. Or if you must spend out then at least help someone by doing it and buy the Big Issue. Or buy a mag that doesn't bang on about shoes and handbags and whose maxim is 'Curiosity is sacred' - Oh Comely magazine.

·      Spend on a stranger    COST  £1

Research shows we feel happier after spending money on someone else than after spending it on ourselves. When caught in a Tokyo downpour once a Japanese lady came up and gave me an umbrella. I was so touched by her kindness. Why not buy a £1 brolly from a pound store and give it to someone caught in the rain. They'll love you for it. Or jump on the Pay It Forward bandwagon, pay for the next person's coffee in a queue or the next car's toll. I guarantee you'll feel happier.

 Colour up  COST £3.99

Bright colours and a personal treat to cheer the soul. Quell the urge to clothes shop by splashing out on some really brightly coloured tights. They're cheap and cheerful and will add that touch of wackiness to any outfit that's feeling a tad tired. These cerise pink ones are from H&M

·      Six second class stamps     COST £2.16

Another way of getting pleasure through giving. Don't you love getting a letter or card with a stamp on? it's a rare pleasure nowadays. Send 6 letters or cards to loved ones, long-lost friends or just people you know. Say hello, suggest a meet-up, thank them for being in your life or tell them why they matter to you. At 36p each you'll be spreading shed-loads of happiness that'll soon come bouncing back your way.  

Long time no write.

Plant seeds    COST £1.55

        Connecting with nature is so good for the soul.

        You'll feel such a smug-filled sense of satisfaction when you grow something from scratch. I recommend a packet of rocket seeds, dead easy to grow and you'll be nibbling the leaves all summer and sharing them with friends. Even better are nasturtiums, you can chuck the seeds on poor soil and they'll still provide a riot of fiery flowers right through the summer. Even better, you get poor-man's capers from the seeds and the flowers are edible too! 

       Green fingers, flowers and food - the perfect ingredients for super self-enhancement. 

     TOTAL INVESTMENT?     £9.49

     

     HAPPINESS SPREAD AND RETURNED?  PRICELESS!

Try these tips in 2012 and let us know how you got on!

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Girls, materialism and self-esteem.

If you had a 12-year old daughter how would you expect her to spend the summer holidays?

Girls today may not all be like me and pass the days pretending to be a pony (I know, don’t say it, I am a psychologist after all). But it seems that many are spending hours in front of a computer screen showing off the spoils from their latest spending spree.

The trend is called hauling and is reported in the news today. Girls record themselves showing their latest ‘haul’ from the shops and others can view them on youtube and leave comments. Unsurprisingly it’s a trend that’s come over from the U.S. where girls as young as 8 or 9 take part. 

Worryingly some girls are spending up to eight hours a day in front of the computer, having become addicted to obsessively checking for comments on their latest post. And not all the comments are positive, with one girl having been told she was too pale and her legs were ‘stumpy’.

The dangers of this activity barely need articulating but as a psychologist I worry about the self-esteem of these young girls and how fragile their sense of identify may be. In particular:

• Research shows that materialism is strongly linked to low self-esteem in children. So kids who want more generally value themselves less.
• Children repeat what they get attention for. It’s called positive reinforcement and underlies addictive behaviours. If you get a thousand ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ from your on-line watchers every time you buy something, you’ll quickly get addicted to that attention and require more and more purchases to get the effect.
• This sets the stage for, and increases the likelihood, of cyber-bullying. Blatant showing off of what we have can engender envy and jealousy in others. Some girls may get admiration from their friends but they may also fuel their enemies into hostility.
• Studies show that experiences not stuff determine our levels of happiness. While these girls are shopping and showing off they are not having the experiences that will help them develop into positive and well-adjusted individuals.