How's YOUR self-acceptance?

Self-acceptance could be the key to a happier life, yet it’s the happy habit many people practise the least.

Happiness is more than just a feeling; it is something we can all practise on a daily basis. But people are better at some ‘happy habits’ than others. In fact, the one habit that corresponds most closely with us being satisfied with our lives overall – self-acceptance – is often the one we practise least.

5,000 people surveyed by the charity Action for Happiness, in collaboration with Do Something Different, rated themselves between 1 and 10 on ten habits identified  as being key to happiness.

How often are you kind to yourself and think you’re fine as you are? 

When answering this Acceptance question, people’s average rating was just 5.56 out of 10. Only 5% of people put themselves happily at a 10 on the Acceptance habit and almost half (46%) of people rated themselves at 5 or less. There's some work to be done there (tips below).

How often do you make an effort to help or be kind to others?

Giving was the top habit revealed by those who took the survey. When asked the question above people scored an average of 7.41 out of 10, with a generous one in six (17%) topping 10 out of 10. Just over one in three (36%) people scored 8 or 9; slightly fewer (32%) scored 6 or 7; and less than one in six (15%) rated themselves at 5 or less.

Being connected to others boosts our happiness so making an effort with
 those people who matter to us is a happy habit.

How often do you put effort into the relationships that matter most to you? 

The Relating habit came a close second. The question above about how well we maintain and nurture our close relationships produced an average score of 7.36 out of 10. 

And a lovely 15% of people scored the maximum 10 out of 10!

Overall how satisfied are you with your life?

The survey also revealed which habits are most closely related to people’s overall satisfaction with life. All 10 habits were found to be strongly linked to life satisfaction, with Acceptance found to be the habit that predicts it most strongly. Yet Acceptance was also revealed as the habit that people tend to practise the least, generating the lowest average score from the 5,000 respondents.

How often do you spend at least half an hour a day being active? 

Treating our bodies to regular physical activity is another proven happy habit. Yet the survey revealed that this is another habit that we don't all get round to practising. The average answer to the exercise question above was just 5.88 out of 10, with 45% of couch-huggers rating themselves 5 or less.

How do you get the happy habit?

If you want to boost your happy habits check out the new Do Happiness programme. It costs just £15 for a profile and regular small positive actions (Do’s) by text and email, customised so you can practice your happy habits daily. 

And signing up will be your first act of Giving because, for each programme sold Do Something Different, gives one away free to someone who can't afford it.

How to practise the self-acceptance habit.

Here are three positive actions that people can take to increase their levels of self-acceptance:

·      Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. See your mistakes as opportunities to learn. Notice things you do well, however small

·      Ask a trusted friend or colleague to tell you what your strengths are or what they value about you

·      Spend some quiet time by yourself. Tune in to how you're feeling inside and try to be at peace with who you are.

Where did the happy habits come from?

The happy habits included in the survey are based on the Ten Keys to Happier Living framework, developed by Action for Happiness based on an extensive review of the latest research about what really affects mental wellbeing. Together the Ten Keys spell the acronym GREAT DREAM, as follows:

·      Giving: do things for others

·      Relating: connect with people

·      Exercising: take care of your body

·      Appreciating: notice the world around

·      Trying out: keep learning new things

·      Direction: have goals to look forward to

·      Resilience: find ways to bounce back

·      Emotion: take a positive approach

·      Acceptance: be comfortable with who you are

·      Meaning: be part of something bigger

Don't forget if you're feeling like you've let your happy habits slip, you can still get them back and turn your life around. Check out http:dsd.me/dohappiness

Buy, give and give again!

Is there someone in your life who’s ‘impossible to buy for’?

Or a person who deserves an extra special gift?

How about the gift of happiness?

Do Something Different (the movement co-founded by Professor Karen Pine) has teamed up with Action for Happiness to create Do Happiness. It’s all about less moaning and more appreciating.  Less rushing around and more stopping and smelling the mince pies. More turning frowns upside down.

And when you buy one happiness programme you automatically create a free one for someone who can’t afford it. So it’s smiles all round.

Do Happiness is a six-week programme of small personalised actions (Do’s) designed to supercharge your happiness levels - and spread happiness to others.

Do Happiness

How does it work?

It’s simple. The Do-er does a quick online happiness questionnaire. Then they are sent daily Do’s: powerful actions designed by psychologists, and picked especially for them, to act upon. And access to a Do Zone in which to log and share them.

Do's are small positive actions that arrive by text and/or email

How much does it cost?

Do Happiness costs £15 for a six-week programme – a total of 32 daily Do’s sent by email and/or text. That’s less than the cost of a massage for something that lasts much longer and isn’t so oily. Each programme that’s started automatically releases one free of charge to a less-fortunate person on the list. That’s the first act of kindness. And there are more smile-generating acts to follow.

Show your friends and family some happy love

Plant some extra happiness in your own life, or that of friends and family, and watch the happiness blossom and grow right into next year, one Do at a time.

Find out more

Small changes you can make for a big difference

One of my favourite quotes is

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it”.

I think it was H D Thoreau who muttered those wise words. And it got me thinking.  

Thinking about how much life gets wasted on meaningless self-lobotomising activities. 

If you add up the hours you’ve spent watching mind-numbing TV, or waiting in for tradesmen, playing Angry Birds or even sleeping, it would add up to years, even decades of your life.

OK, we’ve all got to sleep and personally I love my bed as much as the next woman (or should I say man?). But I worked out that if I made a few small changes to my life the impact could be enormous.

For example, did you know that:

1. If you get up 15 minutes earlier every day you will gain ninety one extra hours of waking life in one year. That’s days and days of extra time!
2. If you save £1 a day every day for two years, you'll be able to travel anywhere in the world.
3. If you write one hundred words a day in two years you will have a full-length novel.
4. If you show real interest in everyone you meet every day, in two months you could have 60 new friends.
5.  If you over-pay on your mortgage by £20 pounds a month you’ll pay off your mortgage 20 months earlier  - and save £5515 in interest alone. (based on 100,000 mortgage over 25 years at 5% interest)
6. If you do one extra press-up every day you'll double your fitness level in 3 months.
7. If you photograph one small thing every day, after a year you'll have boosted your levels of awareness - and have an awesome photojournal.
   
8. If you donate £1.25 a week to Oxfam you will buy 288 buckets of pure, clean drinkable buckets of water a year for a family.
9. If you cut out one can of fizzy drink every day you'll lose 10 pounds in 6 months (without making any other changes).
10.  If you cut out one hour of TV from your life you would have an extra 7 hours free time a week, or the equivalent of two full days extra every month.

It all adds up doesn’t it? Small changes equal big difference. That’s exactly the philosophy beind our Do Something Different behaviour change technique. People make one small change regularly and they tell us a big shift soon happens in their life.

Today I’ve been talking on the radio about me-time. I was supporting a campaign by Palmolive to encourage women to claim back me-time. Unlike blokes, not many women have a shed to retreat to. So the idea is that we can pamper ourselves for 20 minutes a day in the shower (with their yummy Ayurituelsshower gels) and restore our health and well-being. Scented candles, nice music, petals and a glass of fizz are optional extras of course. But think about it, if you have a pampering experience for 20 minutes in the shower every day, you’ll save the cost of going to a spa…

HAVE YOU ever changed one small thing and found it's added up to a big difference?

A bit of me-time: it's priceless...

So I asked ten (busy, high achieving, child-encumbered) friends recently, what would make your life easier? I thought their answers might be money-related but all of them said ‘More TIME!’. And this became the theme of a talk I gave for Palmolive Naturals recently, to promote their range of shower milks. 

Many women are so busy putting everyone else’s needs first, they are desperately short of me-time.

A recent survey found that
women have on average less than
an hour a day to themselves.

The ability of women to care for others is part of innate female nature. Isn’t part of becoming a mother learning that there are others we would always willingly put before ourselves?

At the risk of some outrageous gender stereotyping I’d say we – as women - are hardwired to nurture and care about others. God in her infinite wisdom decided it would be the female of almost every species that would carry and nurture the young. And she even bestowed a special hormone – oxytocin, upon female humans to help us to do this.

On top of this biological imperative to put the needs of others before our own, we also socialize little girls from very young to please others, to make sure everyone else is OK and to even subjugate our own needs to the needs of others.

BUT

Where does this leave us when it comes to me-time?
Do we know how to put ourselves first, or even deep down believe we have the right to?

Women who work who mother, who care for others, who are walways there for ehri friends in times of need - they’re all experts at taking their responsibilities seriously, at juggling everyone’s needs. And me-time is something that gets squeezed in between a whole host of other demands – or squeezed out by them as the case may be.

A recent survey by Mumsnet found that women typically get less than one hour of me time each day….One mum said:

As a stay at home mummy with 4 children (youngest 3 months, eldest 7 years), this house really is a full time job! If I am not looking after the children, then there's the house to look after...

I hardly get any time to myself - 'free' time is used to get jobs done!! And i'm hardly in bed before 11pm. I cannot wee on my own, cannot shower without someone joining me, finish a cup of tea before it going cold (or mostly, it doesn't even make it out the kettle!) Oh, and I only use my laptop when I'm breastfeeding!!

This woman said she can’t even shower without someone joining her and yet taking a bath or shower must be one of the few occasions when we should be able to relax and indulge in some me-time ….

But how many of us really take advantage of that time?

Let’s do a quick survey of our own:

                      Own up now, do you ever:

·       Let someone else come into the bathroom when you’re bathing, or leave the door ajar so you’re ‘on call’?

·       Take your phone or laptop into the bathroom with you?

·       Clean the bath or shower when you’re in it?

I must confess I have been guilty of all of these…. and when I asked women attending my recent talks these questions there was a reluctant but significant show of hands.

So much for me-time. It’s hardly relaxing if we’re slathering ourselves with Ultra Moisturisation Olive Shower Milk and at the same time thinking, Blimey that grouting could do with a good scrub. 

A bath: the perfect stress buster.

You see it’s not enough to have beautiful body pampering products if our mind isn’t receptive to them. Mind, body and soul are inextricably linked and we have to fuse them together to really de-stress.

So in my talk I proposed a positive psychology experiment for women to try when bathing.

It’s based on classical conditioning, a technique discovered by Pavlov who you’ve probably heard of.  He experimented on dogs, and you’re probably wondering what this has got to do with your beauty regime but bear with me here…..

Pavlov fed his dogs at a regular time every day.

Just before he gave them their food he rang a bell.

He soon noticed that even without producing the food, if he rang the bell the dogs would salivate.

The dogs responded physically to the sound of the bell.

Pavlov used a sound in his conditioning experiment, but any of the senses can be used to condition peopleSmells are particularly evocative.

So here’s a technique for positive meditation while you’re bathing. When you have your morning shower or bath do this:

First of all:

Banish everyone from the bathroom, leave your phone and the CIF outside the bathroom. If necessary lock the children in a cupboard or hang a do not disturb sign on the bathroom door.

1.    Rub your favourite shower milk onto your hands and breathe in the fragrance.
2.     Keep rubbing and breathing slowly as you start to bring to mind three good things in your life.
These can be big or small things, perhaps the feeling of sitting in the sun in your favourite garden chair, the sound of your daughter giggling or your loved one’s smile.
3.     Tip more shower millk onto your sponge or hand, and move in slow circular movements all over your body.
This is the point where you’re experiencing the softness and the fragrance but you’ve got to quiet your busy mind so that it doesn’t sabotage the experience….. so
4.     As you circle keep your mind focused on your three good things. Don’t let any other negative thoughts intrude, if they do return to your positive thought.
5.     Keep this up for ten minutes. Before long you’ll feel a positive glow, as you smooth the lather all over your body nourishing your skin and your mind.

The mind and body work together, so focusing on positive thoughts while you bathe or shower will make sure you get the most relaxing experience possible.

If you practice this regularly you’ll find that just flipping the lid off your shower milk will trigger those positive thoughts and that state of relaxation.

If you feel stressed during the day take a couple of minutes to wash your hands and breathe in the fragrance. Because you’ve used that technique of associating that smell with positive thoughts it should immediately trigger a state of relaxation. You’ll have conditioned your brain to associate these pleasant feelings with the gorgeous smell and silky feel of the Palmolive naturals.

Make this part of your me time every day.

You’ll find your mind will be just as responsive as one of Pavlov’s dogs, although hopefully with a bit less dribbling.

CHANGING CULTURE IN OUR BANKS

A GUEST BLOG FROM DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT WHY IT'S TIME FOR OUR BANKS TO CHANGE - AND QUICKLY:

It’s been a rough week for the UK banking sector. Again.

Fines for Barclays fixing the LIBOR rate, with at least two other major banks rumoured to have been up to the same tricks. Mis-selling interest rate swaps to small and medium sized businesses. A new proposal for a European banking union, setting the rules from outside London.

The Radio 4 chatter this morning was about culture change. Separating investment banking from retail banking – taking the casino out of the supermarket – is considered a step in the right direction, but banks need to refocus their culture. They need to put ethics back at the heart of their operations.

This was then picked up by Bank of England governor Sir Mervyn King, who said: “We can see we need a real change in the culture of the industry.”  Prime Minister, David Cameron, speaking from the EU summit in Brussels, also added his weight to the argument: “British people are crying out for a return to good old-fashioned banking… That’s why the governor is so in favour of changing culture at the banks and so am I.”

So if you are in charge of change management at a big bank, how do you do that? Change management consultants are fond of telling us that it takes seven years to change a culture. The banks simply don't have that long.

What is culture change?

Essentially, it’s people taking different actions. 

That may be based on a new set of values. Or, as is more often the case, it might be about trying to get people to behave in-line with existing values that have been forgotten or ignored in the commercial frenzy. 

Either way, the key is – actions. For culture change to be real and sustainable, it has to be about what people physically do, not just what they think.

Reminding people about old values, or teaching then new ones, and then letting them go back to their desks, their trading screens or their customer service counters is not enough. We’re habit machines. The old ingrained behaviours will soon rise to the top. Most people will go back to doing the same things they’ve always done and nothing will change.

Culture change is not about telling people about new values. It’s about getting them to live new values. 

To evolve a new culture by doing things differently. Put ‘doing’ at the heart of a culture change strategy, and change can happen in seven weeks. Not seven years.