Monday, 23 May 2011

Beach Psychology: Through the eyes of an alien

Location: A beach on Koh Samui. An alien and a human are observing holidaymakers.

Alien: What are these humans doing? Do they come here to sleep?
Human: No, they’re sunbathing.
Alien: Why do they worship the rays of this distant orb?
Human: Well, they like the feeling of warmth and they like the colour it turns their skin.
Alien: What colour is this?
Human: It turns them darker, they go brown.
Alien: And this darkness is beneficial to humans?
Human: Not exactly, too much can burn their skin.
Alien: Burn it? The orb’s rays can harm humans?
Human: Yes. It burns their skin. It ages it prematurely. And it can cause cancer, a potentially fatal disease.
Alien: Yet still they come?
Human: Yes. In fact they pay money to come. They er..enjoy it.
Alien: And do they do this for long, these beached ones?
Human: Oh yes, often all day, for a week or two.
Alien: Here comes a very browned one.
Human: Ah, that’s a beach seller. He isn’t a holiday-maker. He lives here and earns money by selling things to the holiday-makers.
Alien: The beached ones need the things he sells?
Human: Well, not eactly need…..
Alien: ..they want the wooden elephant with the spinning ears? They have been seeking that and he brings it?
Human: No they didn’t know they wanted it …look. It’s because they need to shop. It’s what they do.
Alien: Here is another browned one. He brings food. They are hungry the beached ones?
Human: Well, yes and no. They probably had a full english breakfast at their hotel and some of them will have sneaked a few cheese rolls into their bags. But the beach-seller knows they cannot resist ice-creams. And donuts. Oh and hot dogs.
Alien: Many of the beached ones are a great size. They do not move. Yet they consume the offerings of the beach seller? They seek to be his colour and a bigger size?
Human: Oh no, they’d prefer to be his slim shape.
Alien: This does not compute. The large beached ones burn their skins, they buy things they do not need, they over-consume to become a size they do not wish to be. Did you say they are paid great sums of money for this process?
Human: Er, no. They are the ones that pay. Excuse me, I'm off for...a lie down.

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